Listening
Active Listening
– Listening with the intent of understanding the speaker the way that the
speaker wishes to be understood.
State in your own words what you heard the speaker say – what you understood.
Ask if that is correct
Allows speaker to either correct your understanding and to see if the message was accurate
Only when the speaker is satisfied that you got the message can he/she move on or can give feedback.
Good Listeners:
Don’t interrupt, especially to correct mistakes or make a point
Think before answering
Face the speaker
Are close enough to hear
Watch non-verbal behavior
Are aware of biases or values that distort what they hear
Look for the feelings and basic assumptions underlying remarks
Concentrate on what is being said
Avoid rehearsing answers while the other person is talking
Don’t insist on having the last word
Develop an attitude of wanting to listen
Other skills for effective communication
Ask open ended questions
Ask focused questions that aren’t too broad
Ask for additional details, examples, impressions
Give feedback – praise, paraphrasing, perception checking
Feedback – Sharing what you thought, felt or sensed in a non-judgmental way.
Helps the speaker understand the effects of what was said
Gives another opportunity to correct misunderstanding
3 rules for feedback –
1. Needs to be immediate, as soon as you fully understand the communication. Less valuable the longer it is put off.
2. Needs to be honest – your real reaction…but not brutal
3. Needs to be supportive – be gentle with what you say so that it doesn’t bring damage or defensiveness.
Video address from class exercise -